Amateur Apartment Design: 2 Years and 1 Unused Clapper Later

All_011015Welcome to my new and improved website!  Updating this thing was my only new year’s resolution.  Now I can just coast (eat peanut butter).

My website isn’t the only thing I’ve updated this year.  I spent the first week of 2015 putting the finishing touches on my apartment—an upgrade two years in the making.  I got so excited about the results, albeit mediocre, that I went to fotor.com and made a collage of my diggs.  Like it?  I added filters to these photos, of course, because I’m not Annie Leibovitz.

I’m not quite finished decorating, though—are we ever?  Now, I’m working on a custom island for the kitchen and I just ordered some new lampshades on Overstock for the bedroom (not pictured here because I gotta wait on those lampshades, girl!).

But overall, this is the new look. It’s been no easy task.  When I moved into the apartment two years ago, it looked like a heroin addict and a hoarder had been bunking together.  Two of the old tenants left behind most of their furniture and a decade’s worth of empty shampoo bottles.  Empty shampoo bottles on every surface—the way college students collect empty bottles of booze.  The third tenant was my boyfriend, who I’ve since been stuck with.  He just never left!  So I put him to work.  We cleaned, painted, and began the slow process of putting together new furniture.

As successful as the apartment overhaul has been, I’ve failed in just one area: using my Clapper.  You know, “clap on, clap off… THE CLAPPER!”  I won it at a Greedy Christmas exchange, years ago.  It was quite the coup.  Everyone wanted that thing and I left triumphant.  Yet, I’ve never quite found the perfect light fixture on which to use my clapper.  It’s too glamorous a prize for most earthly outlets.  Even as I’ve obsessed over my apartment, nothing has ever seemed perfect enough for Mary’s little Clapper.  So here I sit, staring lovingly into the fotor.com collage of my carefully organized apartment, vexed by my Clapper’s absence.

For now it’s in a dark cabinet, never meeting it’s potential, permanently clapped off.